A Letter To Mike Pence About His Ridiculous Boundaries In Marriage

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Are Mike Pence and his wife, Karen absolutely crazy for being so adamant about boundaries in marriage?  This isn’t a political rant, I promise.  You know what an advocate I am for marriage, so hang with me as I show you what this latest controversy surrounding Mike Pence has to do with your marriage and mine.  Let’s get on with my letter …..

Amazing article about the shocking revelation of Mike Pence's boundaries in marriage & how it affects all of our marriages!

Dear Mr. Vice President,

I heard that you don’t care to be at an event with booze freely being enjoyed without your wife by your side.  You also don’t want to eat out alone with a woman in a restaurant other than your wife either.  This promise you and your wife have made in this day and age is, well, unheard of, and it has to be very inconvenient at times.  I wanted my readership of busy Wives to know about your strict marriage rules since you are our Vice President.

This isn’t going to be popular, but I’m saying it anyway …

Mike, your strict rules for marriage are archaic.  Your ideals for a happy marriage are very old-fashioned.  Yes, I think you are crazy — crazy in love with your wife, and I think it’s fabulous!

{If you know me well, you know that I’m the biggest advocate for old-fashioned, old school, retro … so I was being facetious!}

All of this reminds me of what I’ve always told my children about the boundaries found in the Bible:  “God has boundaries for us because He seeks to protect us, not hold us back.”  Because He loves us, He wants to protect us from what He knows will harm us (like diseases for those who are promiscuous, for instance).  It’s just like parents that want to put up a fence to protect their children from dangerous cars that they know would harm them.

These marriage “rules” are in place not to prohibit but to protect!

Maybe it’s because I’ve seen many a marriage go south because safeguards to protect “the house” weren’t in place.  Or maybe it’s because Superman and I have very similar values as the two of you (I just didn’t know it until everyone made such a huge deal out of yours).

My views on marriage aren’t very popular either because I believe in putting your hubby first, GASP!), but I’m more worried about God’s opinion than man’s like I’m sure you are. It seems unbelievable to an onlooking world who don’t understand God’s plan for marriage that you would want to live by such specific rules, but I think it’s one of the wisest and most loving things you could ever do.

There’s one last thing I’d like to say …..

Thanks, Mr. Vice President, Mike Pence for caring enough about your spouse to protect and honor her even when it’s not the popular, politically correct thing to do.  Thank you for not going for what’s mainstream, but rather just doing what’s godly and right.  Well done, sir, well done.

Wives, here are a few more wise choices for creating wise boundaries in marriage:

Avoid unnecessary temptation 

Whether you admit it or not, you and your husband will both witness temptation within your marriage at some point.  99.9% of the time it can be avoided by having safeguards in place way in advance.  One silly example that comes to mind is that my hubs and I decided that a wise “rule” would be to never slow dance with anyone other than each other when we first got married.

Yes, we actually used to have events to go to that required dancing.  Now, not so much.  Anyway, dancing with someone to a quick tune is fun and light-hearted, but slow dancing with someone, no matter how innocent, is a completely different story.  Call me a prude – I don’t care!  Don’t go there and then you don’t have to worry about it!

Plain and simple?  Keep the intimate-ish stuff for the hubs, no matter who else thinks it’s not a big deal!

Avoid unnecessary situations

Years ago, I became very good friends with my pastor’s wife.  I mean really good friends.  One day I had just finished working in the downtown area of our very small town when my pastor came in and wanted to use the phone to call someone since his truck had just broken down (the details are hazy but the point is still crystal clear in my mind – hang in there with me).

I quickly offered to take him where he needed to go, but what he said next taught me a huge lesson.  It was something I was clueless about because I had no idea that our church staff had put boundaries in place to protect themselves and others.  He nicely told me that he’d made a commitment to never be alone with a member of the opposite sex – no matter how innocent – even in a car for about two minutes.

He went on to say that even though he and I were both confident in the fact that all was innocent, our riding just down the street could also become a stumbling block of gossip and misunderstanding.  It wasn’t a convenient decision for him that day because he had to sit there for a long time for a male colleague to come pick him up.

His firm stand of protection of his marriage, his career, our friendship, and our church, however, spoke volumes to me that day.

Avoid misunderstandings

The time to decide what your boundaries in marriage are should come way before awkward situations arise.  While it’s true you can’t plan ahead for every single situation that the two of you may be faced with, some are inevitable and should be discussed between the two of you a.s.a.p.

A few ideas for wise boundaries in marriage & what you should be asking:

  • What rules should you two decide on for the workplace with the opposite sex?
  • Are there any exceptions when you or your spouse should be alone with someone besides them?
  • Should you be friends with men on social media?  Him with women?  Or should you share an account?
  • Should the phone number of other men be on your phone?  Should you be texting them?  Should your hubby text women?
  • Should women be allowed to enter your home when you aren’t there?  Other men when your husband is not around?

You get the idea.  There are many situations that are unique to you and your hubs – talk about them now!

It may seem trivial and silly to an onlooking world to go to so much trouble to set specific boundaries in marriage, but I guarantee you, sister, you will never be sorry that you’ve protected your marriage by doing so, and you both could possibly dodge a bullet this time around.  Stand firm.

Do you and your spouse already have boundaries in marriage? Tell me about it!

Amazing article about the shocking revelation of Mike Pence's boundaries in marriage & how it affects all of our marriages!


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Published on HuffPost and Okefenokee Living Magazine and other publications, Shan is a Family Travel Journalist and lover of all things ‘calm & cozy home.’

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  1. April 13, 2017 / 7:50 am

    I didn’t know about this controversy with Mike Pence but I completely agree with everything you’ve said! My husband and I are in ministry and we’ve also seen marriages crumble from what start as smal compromises here and there.

  2. April 13, 2017 / 8:10 am

    I love this! I agree, I think it is amazing that he is willing to stay strong when it comes to that. I love seeing men who are crazy in love with their wives. As a young person in a relationship I think we all can learn so much from this post.

  3. April 13, 2017 / 9:06 am

    I absolutely agree with you. We all have to be vigilant in protecting our marriages, because in this day and age, they too easily fall apart. I admire Mike Pence and any other couple who put their marriages first.

  4. April 13, 2017 / 9:07 am

    Totally agree! As a pastor’s wife it’s one of the things I share with women regularly…I often get strange looks though! It’s very counter cultural but I’d rather be thought paranoid and be safe!

  5. April 13, 2017 / 9:49 am

    As a young female who is single, I disagree with your letter, but not entirely. It could be my generation, it could be my culture, or it could just be my own opinion. I don’t see the problem with giving a ride to the opposite sex, or eating with them. On the flip side, I do think it’s important to set boundaries before you even get married to avoid misunderstandings, and to respect the boundaries that you both set together. Either way, I’m not here to judge anyone’s marriage. I think the most important thing is to respect and honor your marriage and your spouse, as stated {more or less} in the vows you take!

  6. April 13, 2017 / 9:51 am

    I love this so much. Thanks for speaking out on this, even though it is the ‘unpopular opinion’.

  7. April 13, 2017 / 9:59 am

    I guess I’m out of the loop, I didn’t know about this controversy with Mike Pence! I actually agree with you, though. It’s a bit archaic, but if you really value your marriage, it won’t matter what the world thinks. In our case, it’s a much smaller “world” looking on that it is for our VP, so kudos to him!

  8. April 13, 2017 / 10:26 am

    LOVE this post! I completely agree with everything you said and I love how he protects their marriage!

    Belle | One Awesome Momma

  9. April 13, 2017 / 11:08 am

    I absolutely agree… my husband and I have been in the ministry for a little while and it’s amazing how one “innocent” situation led many couples to fall into temptation and break their relationship. So important to guard our minds, heart and bodies. We have been considered “crazies” for situations we choose not to place ourselves into but I rather be crazy in love than broken apart.

  10. Bonnie
    April 13, 2017 / 11:31 am

    Yes girl yes!!! I was a little weary to read this cause you know I love your stuff, but I was pleasantly surprised! I love this and you have it exactly right!

  11. April 13, 2017 / 3:05 pm

    I believe boundaries are important in every relationship, especially marriage. My husband’s job requires him to travel a lot and has a lot of social events. So boundaries are necessary for both of us. Him so he doesn’t put himself in a compromising position. And for me, it helps with my ability to trust him when he is away.

  12. April 13, 2017 / 5:38 pm

    I love this! It is admirable to put boundaries in place to protect something as sacred as marriage, even if the rest of the world things it’s silly or over-the-top. You made such a good point about not caring what other people think, but caring about what God thinks. Great post!

  13. Pat Elders
    April 13, 2017 / 7:29 pm

    I certainly agree with the message in your post. I also understand where the younger generation, even young Christians, sometimes view it a little differently. And, of course, we all know that pastors, their wives and others serving in Christian ministry are somehow held to a much higher standard (I’m sure there are volumes that could be written on that alone). Where some of us have a little more life experience (I did not say old 🙂 ) and recognize the need for boundaries, a much younger person may not see a problem with being close friends with someone of the opposite sex. These situations rarely work out and it’s a slippery slope to travel. Sometimes the only thing lost is a friendship, but it could easily be the loss of a marriage. Communication is always a major link in a strong marriage. The most important part of your post is about setting boundaries in advance. Talk about potential pitfalls in advance, even if you believe there is absolutely no way you would let yourself become a victim of circumstances. Right? Thank you for sharing your insight and standing strong for what you know and believe to be right in God’s sight.

  14. April 13, 2017 / 8:38 pm

    I agree that marriages need boundaries. Keeping open and honest communication is important in establishing these boundaries and maintaining them.

  15. April 14, 2017 / 12:17 am

    This went a totally different way than I expected it to… very interesting perspective. Thanks for posting.

  16. April 14, 2017 / 12:21 am

    Regardless of your beliefs, I think it’s always important to set up boundaries in any kind of relationship.

  17. April 14, 2017 / 1:10 am

    Yes yes yes to all of this! I feel so strongly about this topic as well and completely agree with you! My husband and I strongly believe in protecting the sanctity of marriage and fight any type of temptation that has the potential to destroy that. Thanks so much for sharing!

  18. April 14, 2017 / 11:34 am

    While I don’t 100% agree with everything you wrote I do appreciate your perspective. The pastors at our church have the same rule about riding in a car alone with the opposite sex. It totally makes sense to me. On the other hand, though, what sane person would jump to the conclusion that you are cheating or have feelings for or whatever for that other person you are just riding in a car with.

  19. April 14, 2017 / 12:15 pm

    I had not heard about this being a controversy, or about it. While I am not religious I do believe in strong marriages/relationships being a pillar for the family and are of the utmost importance. I think we all have to find a level of what we are comfortable with and protect our marriage. I personally feel that it is not so much the opposite gender that I need to protect from, which seems the case with Vice President Pence. I feel that spilling intimate details or grievances to anyone but your spouse or a professional working with both of you is the true thing to protect from. It leads to an emotional closeness with the person you are speaking with instead of your spouse and pulls you farther from them.

  20. April 14, 2017 / 3:53 pm

    Like many others, Ill be honest, I hate this. Not your writing – you have expressed your opinion eloquently, thank you for that. But I whole heartedly disagree and I find pretty much everything about Mike Pence to be repulsive.

    BUT I totally respect the choices that you make to make YOUR marriage work, and I am happy that you have found a community that shares your values. In our current political situation in the US we could all learn a little bit more about respecting those that we disagree with. 😀

  21. Julie
    April 15, 2017 / 9:50 am

    This is great! Vice President Pence needs our support! In a society where they’re telling you to stand up for what you believe in, they sure criticize when someone stands on a more conservative matter. And he is taking his stand regardless of whether it makes him popular or not.
    Boundaries are so important! I’m single but I work in a ministry where I see lives ruined because trust was broken in a relationship. So sad! Thank you for this great post!?

  22. April 19, 2017 / 9:24 pm

    I loved this! Yes, boundaries…all relationships need them. 🙂

    • Shan
      April 19, 2017 / 9:32 pm

      Thank you so much for taking the time to visit and respond! 😉

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