How To Guarantee That Kids Don’t End Up Like Josh Duggar

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I’ve been so rocked by the scandal that has been brought to light about the Duggar family, at the hand of Josh Duggar. Twice!  It’s been sickening, really.  Kind of like a train wreck that’s horrifying to see but you can’t look away.  What can we do to guarantee that the same doesn’t happen with more children … our own kids?

How to guarantee that boys won't turn out like Josh Duggar?!

When I first heard of the Duggars years ago, I joined mainstream America in shock of the their unusual lives and their super-sized family. The strict rules that they lived by were so very interesting though … No birth control. No TV.  No internet.  No dating.  Intriguing for sure.

I’m naturally fascinated by the logistics of such a big family since I was raised as an only child, I suppose.  I couldn’t get enough of seeing a woman raise so many children like Josh Duggar and his siblings with such a gentle tone and Christian standard. I grew to respect how the Duggar family valued life and viewed every child as a treasure from the Lord. I gained adoration for how they strive to live by the Bible’s standards no matter how tough or weird to the outside world.

As I got to know the family more, I couldn’t help but develop a fondness and a great deal of motherly wisdom from Michelle Duggar.  Her convictions made me look at the scripture with fresh eyes concerning birth control and becoming a godly woman with a gentle and quiet spirit.  I’ve had many women remark to me how they wish they had her skills in producing such great kids with such a calm disposition.

Then, the news reached the airwaves about how the oldest, Josh Duggar, has really turned out!

The Argument against Josh Duggar & Family

The argument so popular in social media right now is that the strictness and sheltering of Josh Duggar thrust him right into the arms of adultery and pornography. I mean, the boys had to look at the ground if they saw a scantily clad woman approaching.  Their sisters raised alongside the boys were instructed to dress modestly in no-fuss, long dresses and skirts.  The boys had no access to catching a glimpse of inappropriately dressed women on the TV or computer screen.

Josh Duggar’s secret sins have everything to do with his upbringing.  Right?

I personally say that there are many variables that may have gone into the reason that Josh Duggar has made the choices that he has made.  We have no idea if he would have made the same recent decisions if he had been raised in a mainstream home.  I keep thinking about the other 30 million accounts that came to light on the cheating website.  Were they all, what the media calls, overly sheltered, Christian boys too?

I think not.

My purpose is not to reprimand nor defend the Duggar family at this point.  I pray healing and restoration for them all. My goal is to speak life into Christian women who are shuddering at the thought of their precious boys falling into the same snares and I want to provide you with a few reminders

Reality

Many Christian Moms have been completely shaken to the core with the Duggar news, and are second guessing their parenting choices – asking themselves these questions,

  • “What if I’m sheltering my kids too much as a Christian parent and this causes them to turn to pornography and wild living like Josh Duggar?”
  • “What good will it do to raise them with strong conviction and holy standards of modesty, self-control, and purity?”
  • “What can I do to absolutely guarantee that my kids don’t turn out like Josh Duggar?”

Should we keep a protecting hand over our kids or loosen up to chill out on our standards? Plain and simple ~ There is no guarantee!

I can guarantee you this, however, we are called to certain standards of parenthood as believers and then we are to trust the Lord with the rest. Easier said than done, huh?  Yes, consistency and faithfulness in godly parenting takes guts and requires much. It requires determination, diligence, and desperate cry for the Lord’s help.

The Battle

We are fighting a battle, my friend.  A fierce, raging battle against an the enemy who is seeking whom he may devour.  That includes my children, and yours. It also included one that just happened to live in a famous family, Josh Duggar.

It’s time to suit up for battle, girlfriend!

I don’t like to lose, do you?   Look what’s at stake to be lost here.  Would you rather go down fighting for your children against the enemy than to have never fought at all?  We aren’t called to be perfect as parents but as long as we are diligent in following God’s word and open to the Holy Spirit’s leading, we will make a difference. Our children must see that we make mistakes ourselves, but that we make amends, repent, and do an “about face” into the opposite direction.

Psalms 127:3-5 Children are a heritage from the LORD, the fruit of the womb a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one’s youth. Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them! He shall not be put to shame when he speaks with his enemies in the gate.

Deuteronomy 6:6-9 these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.

Proverbs 1:8-9 Hear, my son, your father’s instruction, and forsake not your mother’s teaching, for they are a graceful garland for your head and pendants for your neck.

Proverbs 22:15  Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline drives it far from him.

Galatians 6:9  Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.

Cling fast to God and He will see you through and trust in Him when you don’t think you can.  It will be worth it in the end.  So there’s no secret formula to guarantee that our kids don’t end up making choices like Josh Duggar but I’m not giving up, are you?  Don’t you dare!

How to guarantee that boys won't turn out like Josh Duggar?!

I’d love to hear your thoughts about a “guarantee” from a Josh Duggar lifestyle.

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Shan
Shan

Published on HuffPost and Okefenokee Living Magazine and other publications, Shan is a Family Travel Journalist and lover of all things ‘calm & cozy home.’

She shares travel reviews & insider secrets that Women REALLY want to know about southern family destinations and creating cozy homes they can’t wait to go home to.

Her hope is that overwhelmed women feel like family travel and cozy home gurus in their own right.

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32 Comments

  1. September 1, 2015 / 8:54 am

    You’re right. There are no guarantees in life. Our jobs as parents is to love and obey God and raise our kids to do the same… and freewill makes it so that some of them will and some of them won’t. My heart has also been broken over the Duggar situation. Thanks for writing such a thoughtful and practical post!

    • Shan
      Author
      September 22, 2015 / 7:55 pm

      Thank you so much Michelle. I appreciate your kinds words.

      blessings,
      Shan

  2. Meloni
    September 1, 2015 / 9:38 am

    Thank you for your words of wisdom in regard to the Duggars. I myself was drawn to the Duggars even though my children are grown. It hurt my heart when all of this about Josh came to light. Most of us raise our children in love and in hope, and praying that they will turn out to be good, loving and kind-hearted people. I am not sure what happened with Josh, I do know that the enemy has creeped in and someone how drew Josh in, he is deceptive. I know all this has hurt a lot of folks and pray that forgiveness is obtained no matter how long it takes. You are said what we all need to hear about this matter of sin, no matter what kind of sin it is, sin is sin. Sin is hurtful. Until we all come too true repentance and restoration, our sin cannot be forgiven. We want to protect our children and we have to live Christ in front of them and teach them, cover them with continual prayer and teach them that God is there with them and for them. We also need to teach them about the enemy that he is real. Thank you so much for sharing your heart.

    • Shan
      Author
      September 22, 2015 / 7:55 pm

      You are so right, Meloni! Thanks for adding your thoughts.

      blessings,
      Shan

  3. September 1, 2015 / 10:01 am

    I loved your post, I love your view and completely agree! I tweeted it out today, so glad you posted in today’s share thread in Inspired BN so I could be encouraged and check out your blog πŸ™‚ Following you!

    • Shan
      Author
      September 22, 2015 / 7:57 pm

      Thank you so much Rebecca-how sweet. I appreciate the tweet-out! Be encouraged!

      blessings,
      Shan

  4. September 2, 2015 / 11:42 pm

    Thank you for presenting such a thoughtful, balanced piece. It definitely wasn’t his up bringing. It was his free human will choosing sin, over holiness.
    Here from Tips and Tricks.

    • Shan
      Author
      September 22, 2015 / 7:57 pm

      I appreciate your kind words, Melinda! We keep keepin’ on, allowing God to mold us.

      blessings,
      Shan

  5. September 8, 2015 / 5:05 pm

    Thank you for your words of wisdom! I do believe that nothing is for sure and in the end you are not the one in control but one thing you can do is make sure that your children know God and are a firm believer and can believe they can do anything through Christ. Thank you for Linking up with us at the Tips and Tricks Link party! Make sure to link up this week! We love seeing you there!

    • Shan
      Author
      September 22, 2015 / 8:01 pm

      Thanks, Gabby! I appreciate it. I LOVE the Tips & Tricks each week-looking forward to it.

      blessings,
      Shan

  6. September 30, 2015 / 10:08 am

    Thanks! You raise some great points. Surely not every person caught up in that kind of sin is from a sheltered family. However, I don’t want to compare my family to others. I can only train, train, train and trust, trust, trust God with my children. May they ever make good choices!

    • Shan
      Author
      September 30, 2015 / 10:10 am

      Thanks for your thoughts, Leslie! Amen and Amen and Amen!

      blessings,
      Shan

  7. October 1, 2015 / 9:00 am

    I liked your comment about being pretty sure not all of the other account holders were brought up like Josh Dugger! I’m also just so sick of this whole thing and wish people would extend him a little more grace.

    • Shan
      Author
      October 1, 2015 / 9:10 am

      Thank you Lisa so much for your thoughts. I appreciate it.

      blessings,
      Shan

  8. March 21, 2016 / 10:26 pm

    You’ve shared sound wisdom here. I also think it’s helpful to remember that God isn’t finished with Josh Duggar yet. πŸ™‚ Meaning that it’s common for young adults raised in Christian families to become “prodigals,” straying from the Lord. But I have seen many, many of these wooed back by their loving Savior. Thank you for sharing this with us at Grace & Truth!

    • Shan
      Author
      March 21, 2016 / 10:56 pm

      Thank you so much, Jennifer! What wise words YOU have shared also. You are absolutely right. Abounding faith is always found in God’s amazing grace. πŸ˜‰

      blessings,
      Shan

  9. June 10, 2016 / 4:15 pm

    So well written. We must be faithful to raise our children as the Lord leads and commands and faithfully trust that He is God. Only He knows the outcomes of our children’s souls; only He can save them. Our job is NOT to save our kids, but rather, it is to raise them in such a way that we have – and use! – as many opportunities as possible to share the Gospel with them.

    It’s hard, this not knowing how they will turn out, but we have a Faithful Heavenly Father who holds the world in His capable hands. There is great peace in that!

  10. February 16, 2017 / 11:43 am

    There are no guarantees. Seek the Lord and remember that even David sinned grievously.Our God is good and He forgives and restores. Josh Duggar’s story isn’t over yet.

    • Shan
      Author
      February 16, 2017 / 12:36 pm

      Correct, Bailey. Thanks for adding your thoughts.
      blessings,
      Shan

  11. February 16, 2017 / 2:52 pm

    You are right, there are no guarantees. My parents raised 4 children.3 of us live healthy, godly lives. The 4th says that she’s a Christian, but doesn’t live the lifestyle to prove it. It’s scary and I often wish that there was a guarantee. But the longer I live, the more I realize that all I can do is what God calls me to do. Beyond that, I must trust him.

    • Shan
      Author
      February 16, 2017 / 3:27 pm

      Oh, Rosanna, I know that’s hard about your one sibling. You have spoken wise words to live by! Thanks so much for your thoughts.
      blessings,
      Shan

  12. February 16, 2017 / 6:26 pm

    Thanks for sharing your thoughts. Like you said… no guarantees about the battles any of our children will face. I truly believe the best thing a parent can do is nurture a love for the Lord in their children’s hearts. It comes down to each child’s personal walk with God. The more we can do to encourage a genuine relationship with God, the stronger they will be in fighting for purity their entire lives… not just while under our roof. πŸ™‚

    • Shan
      Author
      February 20, 2017 / 2:37 pm

      Thank you, Corina for taking the time to share your thoughts. I agree totally about nurturing that love and then praying that our children will choose God’s best. Genuine relationship = such wise words!
      blessings,
      Shan

  13. February 17, 2017 / 1:54 am

    I didn’t know all that was going on with the Duggars! I watched an episode or two years ago but never kept up. All of this is news to me. haha

  14. February 17, 2017 / 8:35 am

    I don’t think anyone can guarantee how their children will turn out-because I’m sure no parent intends to raise monsters! Things happen, even when you try your best. I had to remind myself a few times to show the Duggar parents a little grace, because they made what they felt were the best decisions for their children. Now they can only try to heal from their consequences.

    • Shan
      Author
      February 20, 2017 / 4:21 pm

      Thanks for your thoughts, Jasmine. You make some great points.
      blessings,
      Shan

  15. February 17, 2017 / 2:33 pm

    Your views on this are incredibly refreshing. I come from a totally different space of not being a religious household, so for me I see things a tad bit differently. But I appreciate your outlook!

    • Shan
      Author
      February 20, 2017 / 4:23 pm

      Thanks, Rachel! Your kind words make my day. I appreciate so much your graceful outlook, even though we have different types of households. Thanks for stopping by!
      blessings,
      Shan

  16. February 17, 2017 / 6:01 pm

    Yep, this is definitely a tough subject. At the end of the day, our children have free will to sin just as we do. We can take all of the “right” steps, pray all of the “right” prayers, but it’s their call. And we just need to trust in the Lord that if they do lead themselves down a path like Josh, that He will help bring them back.

    • Shan
      Author
      February 20, 2017 / 4:24 pm

      Such wise words Andi! Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts with us.
      blessings,
      Shan

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